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外国著名大学教授提供的克服社交恐惧的25个妙招【潍坊新月心理咨询中心】
文章来源:新月心理咨询  击数:292  文章更新时间:2017-11-7  

Everyone experiences social anxiety differently and has different triggers.

不同的人对社交恐惧的感受有所差异,而引起他们社交恐惧的因素也各不相同。

Some people get anxious talking in front of groups, others get anxious meeting new people — and some get anxious about a million things in between.

有些人在众人面前讲话时会感到焦虑,而有些人见到陌生人会感到焦虑,还有的人会因各种事而感到焦虑。

But one thing most people can agree on is that college can be a literal minefield for anyone with social anxiety.

但有一点是公认的,那就是社交恐惧会影响一个人的大学生活。

So here are some tips that might help with a little or a lot of what makes you anxious at school. For more general advice on protecting your mental health in college, check out this post.

如果你在学校感到了社交恐惧,以下的小建议可能会对你有所帮助。

1. First, realize that social anxiety isn’t all or nothing — so it’s helpful to identify exactly what your triggers are.

1、认清引起焦虑的因素

It’s easy to say that social situations make you nervous, but it’s usually more complicated than that — and it can help you feel less overwhelmed to make that distinction.

大家通常都会认为是某些社交场合引起了人的焦虑,但问题远不止于此,明确真正引起焦虑的因素会帮助你平复心绪。

Think about which situations typically make you anxious and which ones actually aren’t so bad, suggests Regine Galanti, director of The Center for Anxiety in Brooklyn.

仔细想想哪些场合你真的hold不住,哪些场合你觉得还ok。

2. But whatever you do, don’t avoid all the situations that make you anxious.

2、不论你采取什么行动,记住,不要试图避开所有使你感到焦虑的场合

~Get out of your comfort zone~ can feel like the worst advice ever when you have social anxiety, because hello, yeah, if it were that easy, you wouldn’t be anxious in the first place.

~从舒适区中走出来~可能听起来不是什么好建议,但如果只是简单的一句“你好”、“对”就管用的话,你也许在一开始就不会感到焦虑了。

But actually, the more you do something, the less anxious you’re going to feel about it and vice versa.

事实上,你做得越多,焦虑感就越轻,反之亦然。

3. Remind yourself that eating meals doesn’t have to be a social event. No one cares if you’re sitting alone.

3、告诉自己:吃饭不是社交活动,没人会在意你是不是一个人吃饭

“It’s totally okay to eat by yourself. Eating is just something you have to do! There’s no shame in fitting it into your schedule even if it means being alone.” —Kellen Dempsey, Facebook

“每个人都要吃饭,一个人吃饭没什么大不了。即使一个人,也要吃饱吃好。”

4. In fact, sitting alone might make it easier for other nice people to approach you.

4、一个人的你恰好给了别人接近的机会

“A lot of the time, people will come over to you and strike up a conversation. I’ve met several people that way! There’s no reason why you should make yourself uncomfortable by approaching people. Let things happen naturally. You’re interesting and that will show.” —ysabeauc

网友ysabeauc称:“很多时候,人们会主动接近你,同你攀谈。我见过很多类似的情况。接近别人没什么可让人觉得不好意思的,这是件很自然的事。一个有趣的人会很自然地开始一段对话。”

5. Learn a cool party trick that you can whip out in social situations.

5、练习一个拿手节目,可以在派对上秀一把

6. Leave the door open for people to socialize with you. Literally.

6、为想认识你的人留门

Seriously, leave your door open if you’re just hanging around your dorm.

如果你在寝室无所事事,不妨把门打开。

It’s an easy, passive way to make yourself approachable and invite some socialization — even if you don’t really feel up to making the first move.

这个方法虽说有点被动,但很实用。即使你自己无法先迈出第一步,别人也可能会主动接近你。

7. Write down talking points before classes where participation counts toward your grade.

7、课前写下讲话要点

Think of it as just another step of homework for that class so that it becomes automatic. “Being as prepared as possible makes it so you don’t have to deal with both not knowing the material and your anxiety of speaking about it,” says Galanti.

把它当做作业的一部分,久而久之也就成为习惯。

8. Find your campus mental health center and check in with a therapist before you need one.

8、找到校园的心理健康咨询中心,与治疗师谈谈自己的情况

9. Get participation points through asking questions instead of answering them.

9、通过问问题来获得参与

“This is a little hack I learned around my junior year after struggling through discussion sections. It’s not that I didn’t know the material, I just worried too much about sounding stupid or garbling up my answer to actually speak up. Asking questions was less intimidating and easier to rehearse beforehand, but it showed my professors and TAs that I was engaged.”

问问题不会使人过于紧张,之前的准备工作也相对比较容易进行,同时也会给教授和助教们留下一个积极参与的印象。

10. Lower your expectations for yourself in social situations, because chances are, they’re way too high.

10、降低你对自己在社交场合中的期望值

“It becomes a matter of: ‘I want to be really interesting and charming and funny and witty. I don’t want to sweat or blush. I don’t want to show any outward signs of any kind of anxiety at all.’ And those just aren’t reasonable.”

“你想成为一个有趣的人、迷人又充满智慧的人,不想与人交流时汗流浃背、面带羞涩,不想被别人看出你的焦虑,而这样的想法本身就不合理。”

Instead, concentrate on small goals — like showing up, starting a conversation, making a contact — and celebrate those victories. The ~ease~ will come later.

树立一些容易实现的目标,比如出场、开始一段交谈,庆祝这些小成就,很快你就会变得游刃有余。

11. Get a study group together for low-pressure socializing.

11、成立一个学习小组,缓解社交压力

12. Figure out what your social goals actually are.

12、明确你的社交目标到底是什么

College puts a lot of pressure on socializing and meeting a million new people, but guess what? It’s totally OK if you don’t want that. What’s important is that you know what you do want so you can work toward it, says Galanti.

大学给人带来了很大的社交压力,你会遇到形形色色的人,但是,如果你不想去社交也不会有人强迫你。重要的是你知道自己真正想要的是什么,只有这样你才会努力去争取。

Do you want to be someone who goes to every party? Do you want to make a few close friends? Do you just want to keep your head down and get through classes without combusting during presentations? Mull it over.

你想成为一个从不错过任何一场派对的人吗?你想结交一群知心朋友吗?还是你只是想低着头,默默地听课,从不展示自己?仔细想想看。

13. Then make a few small, attainable goals that will help you eventually achieve your bigger goal.

13、大的目标之下设立些小的目标,一步一步实现最终目标

“For example, if you want to make a few good friends, tell yourself you’re going to introduce yourself to three new people a day in class,” says Galanti.

如果你想结识好朋友,就对自己说,在班级里每天要向3位同学介绍自己。

Or maybe you’ll make it a goal to say yes to two social invitations a week. Or to go out to a new club. Or visit your professor during office hours once a month. Small, attainable increments will add up.

或者每周接受两场社交活动的邀请,或是参加新的社团,还可以每月拜访一名教授,如此这样,量的积累最终会引起质变。

14. Practice presentations during office hours before you have to do them in front of classmates.

14、锻炼自己的表达能力

Or try it in front of friends or even in the mirror — whatever gets you to practice. “It’s helpful to do trial runs so you’re armed with some knowledge of how it will play out,” says Hambrick.

可以在朋友们面前或是对着镜子练习,这样才会做到心中有数。

15. Always give yourself an extra 5–10 minutes to get places — and don’t be afraid to do practice runs of routes so there are no surprises.

15、给自己留出5-10分钟的时间提早就位——可以提前熟悉一下线路

16. Prepare an easy out for plans you’re anxious about, just in case — like planning a coffee date right before a class or having your friend call with an “emergency” an hour into a party.

16、为你感到焦虑的计划准备一个得体的借口,以防万一。比如上课前刚好和人约定要去喝咖啡,或是参加聚会时突然接到了朋友的紧急电话。

17. Have a supply of easy icebreakers or questions up your sleeve so you have one less thing to worry about when meeting new people.

17、准备好打破僵局的方法或小问题,这样见到陌生人时也会缓解焦虑

18. Pay attention to your living arrangements and how they can help or hurt you.

18、关注你的生活安排,及这样做对你产生的利弊

“Going into freshman year with social anxiety, I thought I would want to live in a single room because the thought of having a roommate made me so anxious.

网友Mary Hepburn称他刚进大学时非常焦虑,认为自己应该住单间,因为一想到与室友同住就感到焦虑。

But then it turned out it made it easier for me to isolate myself and do nothing. Looking back, I think I would have really benefited from having a roommate that forced me to be social.” —Mary Hepburn, Facebook

“但现在回想起来,若是当初与室友同住,从而强迫我去社交,我将从中收获许多。”

19. Tell your friends what you’re going through so you have a support group.

19、告诉你的朋友你的感受,他们将成为你的坚强后盾

If you’re not sure how to open up that conversation, Hambrick suggests talking to your friends about your anxiety in terms of how it makes you feel, rather than what it makes you think. Anxious thoughts can be irrational, but feelings are easier for other people to understand.

如果你不知道怎么打开话匣子,你可以和朋友聊聊你的焦虑,聊聊你的感受,你的心路历程。不要说你自己的想法,因为焦虑的想法有时可能不太合理,而真切的感受则更容易被人接受。

“Social anxiety makes you think that people don’t like you or will judge you,” says Hambrick. “But other people will say things like, ‘No, that’s not true,’ and that’s not necessarily reassuring to someone with anxiety.

社交恐惧使你觉得人们不喜欢你,人们都在背后议论你,有的人会安慰你道“不,不是这样的。”因为实在没有必要再加深你的焦虑。

But if you’re saying, ‘I just feel out of control, I feel like it’s hard to talk in class, I feel so uncomfortable when I go to parties,’ that stuff is hard to argue with and it can also recruit better support from your friends. It gives people more constructive guidelines of how to be responsive to you.”

但如果你说:“我觉得自己失控了,感觉在课堂上开口很困难,参加派对的时候感到不安。”这时人们会给你提供一些更具建设性的意见。

20. Watch how much you’re drinking, because you’ll probably use alcohol to take the edge off socializing sometimes.

20、别喝多了,酒精有可能起到反作用

Getting drunk might seem like a great tool for dealing with your social anxiety — liquid courage, etc. — but it’s really not, says Galanti.

酒精看起来对缓解社交恐惧有帮助,但事实并不是这样。

With anxiety especially, if you use alcohol as a social lubricant, you’ll probably wind up regretting it the next day — and most likely feeling even more anxious about the things you did while drunk.

如果你依赖于酒精帮助你进行社交,可能在第二天就会后悔,回想前一天喝醉时的所作所为,很可能会使你更加焦虑。

21. Actually go to the club fair and sign up for something that sounds interesting.

21、真正融入到你感兴趣的社团当中

22. Download an app that’ll help you deal.

22、下载一些相关的手机应用

There are tons of helpful apps for living with anxiety. MindShift (shown), for example, offers strategies for facing anxieties related to socializing and school.

如今有许多帮助人缓解焦虑的手机应用,会给你一些在社交场合下面对焦虑的策略。

23. Make friends with an extrovert.

23、结交性格外向的朋友

“Having a friend who is more outgoing and comfortable than you is a lifesaver for anxiety, because they do the hard work for you. Then you slip in there after the ice is broken and meet people.” —Ellen Parsons, Facebook

交一些性格开朗的朋友,这对你来说如救命稻草一般。他们会帮你打开局面,破冰之后,结交朋友也就变得容易得多。

24. Connect with other people on campus living with mental illness.

24、在校园中找到同样感到焦虑的人

25. And finally, understand that getting rid of your anxiety isn’t the goal; learning to live with it is.

25、最后,要知道,消除焦虑不是目的,我们要学会与它共存

“Anxiety’s OK. It’s human,” says Galanti. “It’s not about achieving zero anxiety. It’s about learning how to be able to do things anyway, showing yourself you can do it, and being the person you want to be while you feel anxious.”

是人都会感到焦虑,重要的是学会如何克服焦虑,即使在焦虑的状况下,也能泰然处之。

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